Before you read the main body of this post, let me give you some background on the worldview from which this post is written. I was placed in foster care at the age of five and for the first time in my life I felt love and security and had a special bond with my foster dad. He and my foster mom adopted me a few months later. When I was seven years old my adopted father committed suicide, which for my life topped the list of painful experiences. I'm a little late to the Robin Williams blog game, but that is because it took me a little longer to process than it may have taken the average human who hasn't been affected by parental suicide.
If you haven't heard by now, Robin Williams tragically and surprisingly took his own life a week ago. As a survivor of parental suicide the news hit me differently than it probably hit most people. Yes there was the shock and sadness over losing such a huge character in my childhood, but there was also the flood of memories from hearing the news that my dad killed himself. Along with the sadness of the loss of this iconic figure, came anger. Anger with my dad, but also anger with Robin Williams, and anger towards the way the media was handling this situation as well. Before you judge me for my anger, let me explain.
Suicide is literally the most selfish act a person can perform. Suicide is the easy, self centered, cowardly way out. It is literally the murder of one's self. You are stealing away a life from people who love you. I don't want to downplay the sadness of a great loss, but I also don't want to see suicide honored and celebrated in our society. There seemed to be an outpouring of people celebrating the fact that Robin Williams is no longer in pain. Death is a part of life, and when someone lives a great life we should celebrate their life and impact they they had on our society. But we cannot celebrate their death. The wound left with the family of someone who passed due to self-murder is something that can only be understood by the family of a person who committed suicide. Williams left behind three children. Anytime a parent is lost it is tough, however when your parent commits suicide it is a whole new level of pain and questioning. These three children, although adults, will wonder for the rest of their lives if there is something they could have done differently. They will wonder why their dad didn't see them as worthy to stay around for. As the popular meme circulating the web states, "Genie, You're Free..." but your family is not.
I understand depression and suicidal tendencies. I was moments away from committing suicide as a 17 year old high school student when a friend called me as a last ditch outcry for help before she took her life. I convinced my friend that her life was worth living, and in doing so I convinced myself that I had to make that same decision to always choose life no matter how hard it may be. At the end of the day I knew I could never do to anyone else what my dad did to me. We need to step up as a society and let the world know that suicide is not an appropriate response to depression. Regardless of how alone you think you may be, there are people who care about you and who will be severely wounded by your decision to take your own life. You have value. You have purpose. There is always a reason to choose life. Let's celebrate the life and career of Robin Williams, but let's not pretend like his decision to take his own life was a good or acceptable one. Suicide is never the answer.
